


Amour-Propre

by dancingkenma



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Haikyuu - Freeform, Hinata doesn't know grammar help him, Love, M/M, amour propre, kenhina - Freeform, meat buns, mostly texting, self love, smartie kenma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-09-02 23:22:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8687539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancingkenma/pseuds/dancingkenma
Summary: - But then I realize why would I want them to know me? Why waste their time on me? After all, my worst fear is that one day, Kuroo, Shouyou and all the others will see me the way that I view myself. -Or in other words, Kenma needs to love himself and Shouyou teaches him how.





	

Kenma POV

I feel like people never really see me. You know, like they're standing looking at me from behind a fence but never care enough to come get a close look. They come and they go. Every person will describe me as shy or cute or short. They see my grown out hair and golden sunny eyes. It's funny that they never bother to look any further than your appearance. After all, they've told me since kindergarten that it's what's on the inside that counts right?

And sometimes I feel sad about this. But then I realize why would I want them to know me? Why waste their time on me? After all, my worst fear is that one day, Kuroo, Shouyou and all the others will see me the way that I view myself.

How do I see myself? In case, you were wondering which you probably weren't. Well I am an awkward, anxious, depressed, horrible, ugly, gay, despicable, complete waste of oxygen and life person. One of those people who fade in to the distance no matter who they're around.

And then theres Shouyou, he's the confident, pretty person who lights up a room. You know that somewhat irritating type that refuses to blend into the shadows? Well that's Hinata and somehow we ended to be friends by chance or fate as he would say. And even though, we're complete opposites he's one of the few unlucky people who get to see past my stupid appearance. 

* * *

It's a normal Friday and by normal I mean I'm sitting on my bedroom floor playing video games and drinking apple juice. My phone beeps beside me signaling a text. 

From Hinata Shouyou: KENMMMAAA, im boreddd, stupid kageyama wont toss for me and now im stuck at homeee. Anyway whats up?? (+_+)

To Hinata Shouyou: nothing much. beating a level of a game

HS: WOW kenma youre so cool!!! I bet i could never beat it

KK: anyone could shou.

HS: KENMA ADMIT YOU'RE AWESOMENESS

KK: your**

HS: HUH? my what..

KK: you used the wrong your and i corrected it.

HS: AW KENMA YOURE SO SMART I WISH I WAS SMART LIKE YOU <3

KK: it's really nothing. im not that smart

HS: Can I ask a personal question Kenma?

HS: YOU DONT HAVE TO ANSWER IF IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE KK: sure shouyou. My stupid anxious head starts telling me he finally sees me how I am. He thinks you're ugly. He does not actually love you. He just pities you idiot. HS: How can you never realize how amazing you are? its sad to see someone do amazing things and never see it. You think no one really loves you but they do. You think you're stupid when you're the smartest person i know. You think you fade in the distance but i see you! Everyone does? When are you gonna realize that you're too stuck in your own damn head to realize that everyone really cares about you and recognizes your talents. god wake up kenma, i cant keep breathing for you. one day you gotta breathe and love on your own.

read 5:43 pm. My head stopped yelling and I swear my heart stopped beating even for a second.

HS: kkenma, IM SORRY IM SORRY PLEASE. THAT SOUNDED HARSH. i didnt mean it. I love you. I love you. im sorry ;(

I pick up the phone and dial Shouyou's number with my skaking hands.

"Kenma?" His voice is cracking like he's been crying. "Kenma, i'm so sorry. i'm too insensitive sometimes. I know that. I just get too..."

"Shouyou, it's okay you are right. I want to breathe on my own but I don't know how."

I hear Shouyou's deep sigh of relief on the other line. I swear I could feel his smile.

"Well I'll teach you!! You see the key to loving yourself is to not think about it".

"Not think about it?"

"Yea!! when i think Kageyama is thinking badly about me, i just think of something else like meat buns!!"

"Meat buns?"

"Yea like meat buns, then you just have no problems with yourself!!"

I felt myself laugh.

"Well Shou, you know I think you just solved all my problems. Meat bun therapy really is the future."

For the second time today, I swear I could feel his smile through the phone.

"I have to eat dinner now! Bye bye Ken-chan!!! I love you!!

"don't call me that. and i love you too"

* * *

 

And then I let myself smile. Smile from ear to ear over a certain sunshine boy named Hinata Shouyou. I know that i'm lucky to have someone who pulls you out of your own head.

Here are the three things that I learned today 1) Even if you don't love yourself, others do. 2) Meat buns are the key to all problems. 3) I'm really, really gay for Hinata Shouyou.

Also I realized that, that fence I was talking about. Well that fence is all my self hatred compiled up into one big coping mechanism designed to keep people out. And one more thing! I plan on tearing it down.

* * *

 


End file.
